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AREA 47
SECTION 131: OVERCOMING TEMPTATION
SECRET WEAPON NUMBER TWO
Go ahead and squander your chi. But I guarantee you heaven isn't in Miss March's pussy.... Heaven is on the other side of that feeling you get when you're sitting on the couch and you get up and make a triple-decker sandwich. It's on the other side of that, when you don't make the sandwich. It's about sacrifice.... It's about giving up the things that basically keep you from feeling. That's what I believe, anyway. I'm always asking, "What am I going to give up next?" Because I want to feel. ~Jim Carrey, from a Michael Fleming interview in the March 2004 issue of Playboy magazine If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins. ~Benjamin Franklin
Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell. ~Author Unknown
I find that if I dress in very, very casual clothes in the morning I am less likely to leave the house and therefore more likely to avoid the temptation to just wander about and find myself in places to spend money.
Good habits result from resisting temptation.
http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/temptation.htm
Overcoming TemptationLead me not into temptation, for I know the wayMost of us
know what we wish to be and do. Yet, we are occasionally tugged away
from our path by temptation. It comes to us in many forms. We may be
enticed to gossip instead of working, watch TV instead of cleaning
the house, or hang out in the pub with friends, instead of studying
for an exam. The
surest way to be nothing is to do nothing. Conversely, the surest
way to be something is to do something.
Overcoming
temptation
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Stopping Bad HabitsSeven Steps to Victory over Bad HabitsWhat are you? Are you successful or immersed in problems? Are you courageous or timid? Happy or miserable? Ambitious or lazy? WHAT YOU ARE TODAY IS GOVERNED BY YOUR HABITS. For as Aristotle (384 ~ 322 BC) taught, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." Some would say, "Oh, I can't help myself; it is my nature to be this way. I am naturally lazy." Wrong! It is not our nature to be lazy, but our nature to act out of habit. Our habits then create our nature. In other words, the actions we repeatedly do become habits, which then form our character, which, in turn, shapes our future. John Dryden (1631 ~ 1700) expressed it this way, "We first make our habits, and then our habits make us." As you can see, much is at stake. Our success or failure, happiness or misery, all depend on our habits. As Nathaniel Emmons (1745 ~ 1840) wrote, "Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters." That being so, why aren't more of us uprooting our bad habits and replacing them with good ones? Well, it's not that people don't try, but that they don't understand how to go about it properly. It is not willpower that is needed to change our habits, but understanding. We need to understand some basic principles, which when followed, will lead to success. So, if you want to renovate yourself, let your greatness shine through, and become the person you were meant to be, you could start today by carrying out the seven steps listed below. 1. List the reasons why you want to stop a bad habit or start a good one. For example, why do you want to stop smoking, stop procrastinating, or start working out? Write as many reasons as you can think of. This step helps eliminate the first mistake that is often made, which is to focus on what we don't want rather than what we do want. 2. Step 2 is an essential step that is seldom carried out by those who want to change. List all the reasons why you continue in the bad habit. For example, if you smoke, why do you do so? Reasons may include: it 'relaxes' me, makes me feel like one of the group, gives me something to do with my fingers, makes me feel more confident, makes me look attractive, and so forth. 3. Find the needs that your habit is trying to fulfill. The purpose of Step 2 was to help you discover these hidden needs. This step is almost never followed by those wanting to change and is an important step. So, in the example of the smoker, the needs may be to feel confident, be at ease, be accepted, and look attractive. 4. Do an analysis. Ask yourself how effectively your bad habit is fulfilling your needs. An analysis of our behaviour will reveal that our bad habits are counterproductive. Instead of helping us, they prevent us from satisfying our needs. Again, using the smoker as an example, rather than making him look macho, cigarettes make him look like a weakling in need of oral gratification. And how can he feel confident when he depends on cigarettes to mask his insecurity? 5. List what you can do to fulfill your needs in a positive manner. For example, our smoker friend may decide he can gain the confidence he is looking for by working out, taking adult education classes, or learning how to dance. All these activities can bring about genuine confidence, which gradually ends his need for phony symbols, such as cigarettes. 6. Just as professional athletes are trained to visualize their success before they act, take several brief 'visualization breaks' throughout the day. That is, pause and mentally see yourself carrying out the actions you decided on in Step 5. So, if you decided to replace the bad habit of smoking with the good habit of working out, use your imagination to see yourself growing slimmer and fit. Feel the confidence well up in you as you grow more and more attractive. Relish in the pleasure of knowing you are replacing a habit that destroys health with one that builds it. 7. Begin to take the action you are visualizing. If you decided to go to the gym, start going. Work out regularly. As you do so, a new habit is formed, and soon you will take pleasure in your workouts and wonder how you ever got along without them. Now, as a review, let's take a look at another example. Tom is addicted to TV and decides to change. Here are his seven steps. 1. Why cut back on TV viewing? a) Because it will free up time that can be spent doing something worthwhile. Regaining time is like extending one's life span. b) The sedentary lifestyle is unhealthful. c) Passivity dulls the mind. d) Turning on the TV turns off others; tuning in to a TV channel is tuning out of the lives of family members and friends. 2. Why does he do it? a) Avoidance. It is an escape. He is trying to forget his problems. b) Pleasure. He uses the pleasure to numb the pain he feels, which is caused by the problems he isn't doing anything about. 3. What are his needs? To stop worrying and experience pleasure. 4. How effective is his bad habit in dealing with his problems? Horrible! By avoiding his problems instead of facing them, they just grow bigger. And this fact is always lurking in his mind, thereby preventing him from experiencing any depth to the pleasure temporarily offered by TV. 5. What are some positive alternative forms of behaviour? a) He can use the time to talk about his problems with his mate, family, or friends. As he does so, not only will solutions appear, but also relationships will grow stronger. b) He can spend the time by taking an evening walk with his wife. This improves their relationship and their health. c) He can use the time for reading, joining an interesting group, volunteering, or engaging in a captivating hobby, all of which will replace the short-lived pleasure of TV with the enduring happiness that accompanies an active life. 6. Throughout the day, Tom visualizes the pleasure and happiness his new lifestyle will bring. 7. He immediately takes steps to change his behaviour. The actions he takes bring favorable results, which motivate him to take further action. His repeated actions replace his old, bad habit with several new, good ones. By mastering his habits, he is mastering his destiny. The simple steps I have outlined above, when followed conscientiously, will reap priceless rewards. Don't wait any longer. Discover the freedom that good habits bring. Freedom isn't the absence of activity and responsibility, but the reward of both. Our good habits empower us, and it is only when we live a life of power that we can be truly free. © Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com
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Breaking Bad HabitsWe are what we repeatedly doAristotle taught, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." Good habits are our best friends. Because we perform them unconsciously, they free us to concentrate on other useful endeavors. On the other hand, the opposite is true for bad habits. They encumber us, enslave us, and ensnare us, preventing us from moving forward in our lives. That’s why Nathaniel Emmons wrote, "Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters." The paradox is, we make our habits, and then they turn around and make us. Habits form the engine beneath the hood of our car. Good habits move us forward; bad habits set the car in reverse. Now and then we should look out the window to see which way we’re driving. Does it make any sense to keep going if we’re driving the wrong way? Those who want to improve their lives will replace their bad habits with good ones. How do we do so? We can make breaking a bad habit easier by following these five preliminary steps: 1. Become aware of your bad habits. Since you perform them automatically, or without thinking, you’ll first have to bring them into your consciousness before you can change them. 2. Monitor the seriousness of your bad habit. Let’s say I have the bad habit of watching too much TV. Watching TV is not intrinsically bad, but if I find household and other chores are being neglected, I have a right to suspect a bad habit has its grip on me. At the moment, I have the vague feeling that I’m spending too much time before this mesmerizing, modern invention. But how much time is "too" much? I decide to check by monitoring my behavior and discover I average 2 1/2 hours a day. But to better appreciate the impact of this bad habit, I do some calculations and realize that I waste 17 1/2 hours a week, almost three days a month, or more than one month a year. More than one month a year? Wow, I didn’t realize I was wasting so much time! Now that I understand the gravity of the situation, I’m ready to move on to the next step. 3. Examine the motivation. That is, ask myself, "Why do I watch so much TV?" Isn’t it to escape, to numb the pain? Escape from what? Perhaps escape from thinking about some of the chores I should be doing. Numb the pain of what? Perhaps the pain of guilt, regret, and shame for not doing some of those important chores. Oddly enough, if I do the chores, I won’t experience the pain and therefore won’t have the need to watch TV! Not only that, but as I do the chores, I will learn that the pleasure of accomplishment exceeds that of the pleasure of watching TV. 4. Examine the consequences. What am I losing by watching too much TV? It’s time to move away from the generality of "chores" to the specifics. As I pause and think about what needs to be done, a couple of items immediately come to mind. Shouldn’t I be caulking the windows before the snow begins? And what about the front door that lets in too much cold air during the winter. If I seal it properly, I will reduce my heating costs. Now that I clearly see what’s at stake I am motivated to carry out some home-improvement, as well as self-improvement. 5. Decision time! Now that I’ve gathered the facts, it’s time to unleash the power of choice and decide to act. Let’s pin it down. Which project will I work on first? What steps are involved? What do I need? How will I begin? Hey, this is easier than I thought; let’s start now! How to change habits I certainly have benefited in my example by following the five steps. But it’s a temporary gain. What I need to do now is form new habits. Replace bad ones with good ones. And I develop good habits in the same manner that I’ve already developed bad ones; mainly, by repetition. What is it that I will repeat? It’s a personal choice; in my case, I will replace the 2 1/2 hours of TV time with a one-hour workout at the health club, 30 minutes to and fro travel time, and one hour to work on a task that needs to be done. To lessen my fear of getting sucked into an endless commitment to exerting EFFORT, I make a promise to myself that I will stick to my new schedule for only 30 days. After faithfully following my new regimen for a month, if I no longer feel like continuing it, I’m free to quit. Offering myself this escape clause, reduces the pressure of taking on this new commitment. After all, I can always quit in 30 days. But guess what? I won’t quit! Why? Because it takes 30 days to develop a new habit, and by then, my daily routine would have become habitual. That’s why a certain cigarette manufacturer used to advertise, "Take our 30-day test." Because they knew that if you smoked their brand for 30 days, you would develop a new habit and become loyal to their brand. There is, however, a catch to this one month plan. And that is, you must faithfully carry out your new program without skipping a day. If you skip a day, you haven’t given the program a chance to work, so you have to make a decision at that point. Do I want to return to the rut I’m in, or am I sincere about wishing to change for the better? If I choose to improve myself, I will have no choice but to repeat the program from day one and carry it out for 30 consecutive days. You’ve been forewarned, so make your job easy and don’t skip a day! By the way, you should know that, if you’re not already doing so, there is no finer habit to develop than an exercise plan. Studies have shown that those who exercise regularly develop self-discipline and self-confidence that spills over in all other areas of life. So, it’s not only about good health, but it’s about following a path that leads to endless self-improvement. What exercise should you consider? Well, here are comments from two comics to consider. First, Fred Allen had this to say, "I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." And Erma Bombeck offered the following quip, "The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heaving breathing again." Sorry for sidetracking. Now to get serious again. Every outcome has a cause. So, a powerful secret of success is to develop the habits that will cause the outcomes (goals) we wish to reach. If we do so, our success is assured. Or, as Charles J. Givens wrote, "Achieve success in any area of life by identifying the optimum strategies and repeating them until they become habits." © Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com
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Developing Good HabitsAs a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his follyWhat do you suppose King Solomon thought when he said in Proverbs 26:11, “As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” Wasn’t he trying to teach us that constantly regurgitating (repeating) bad habits is as disgusting as a dog returning to its own vomit? He used a strong image to make a point, but for good reason. You see, bad habits weigh us down, hold us back, and prevent us from reaching our potential. It’s more than our potential that’s at stake, it’s also our happiness. The formula for happiness is simple: Be good, do good, and you will feel good. By “be good” I mean be what you ought to be, and by “do good” I mean do what you ought to do. What is it that you ought to be doing? Let your own conscience be your guide. When you do what you ought to be doing, you will feel good. In other words, you will be happy. When we act as we shouldn’t, we experience unhappiness. That’s the main reason it’s important to eliminate bad habits. For a clearer picture of the relationship between behavior and happiness, let’s look at a concrete example. Tom is a first year university student. His parents are paying the tuition and he works part-time to earn some extra money. His friends love to party and he is joining them more often then he should. So, he’s neither getting enough sleep nor spending enough time studying. The result? His grades are slipping, and so is his mood. Since this has been going on for months, he feels guilty. After all, his parents worked hard for their money and expect him to take advantage of their generosity by studying. They are reasonable and are not applying pressure on him to get straight “A’s.” They merely hope he will try his best. But he hasn’t been doing that, so he feels ashamed. In fact, he may even fail the coming exam, so he’s anxious as well. The guilt, shame, anxiety, and fear that Tom feels are dark clouds that have blotted out any happiness. In fact, he’s in pain. He tries to numb the pain by seeking pleasure, so he goes on a shopping spree. After the momentary pleasure disappears, the shopping bills appear. After buying things he didn’ t need, he now has to sell things he does need to pay his bills. He’s now more depressed then before and just can’t push himself to study. Again, he seeks pleasure to lessen his pain. This time he needs something more stimulating. So, he starts a sexual relationship with a student in one of his classes. The months pass, but he fails. They may kick him out of school, but at least he’s receiving a lot of pleasure. That is, he was until Julie told him that she is pregnant and will need child support. Tom’s world is collapsing (as is Julie’s), all because of some bad habits. If we’re not careful, we can easily become ensnared by bad habits, for as Tryon Edwards wrote, “Any act often repeated soon forms a habit; and habit allowed, steady gains in strength. At first it may be but as a spider’s web, easily broken through, but if not resisted it soon binds us with chains of steel.” Samuel Johnson expressed the same idea differently, “The chains of habit are generally too week to be felt, until they are too strong to be broken.” Still another author warns of the danger of bad habits creeping up on us by telling the following story: “You can’t kill a frog by dropping him into hot water. For when you do so, he reacts so quickly that he jumps out unharmed. But if you put him in cold water and gradually warm it until it is scalding hot, you have him cooked before he knows it. The intrusion of bad habits in our lives is very much like this.” As a general rule, we stumble into bad habits. For example, without planning to do so, Tom fell into a crowd that was more interested in partying than studying. So, we have to remain ever watchful of our behavior and take corrective action when it’s called for. Good habits are usually developed through conscious effort on our part. Once we form a habit, it takes over and forms us. The sum total of our habits solidify into our character, so they can be our best friends or our worst bosses. Ben Franklin put it nicely when he wrote, “Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.” He also told us that, “It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.” Do you want to achieve success and avoid failure? Success and failure are simply habits, and the good news is that good habits are just as difficult to break as bad ones. You don’t believe me? Would you stop brushing your teeth for one month if I were to pay you fifty dollars? Probably not. How come? Because good habits are just as difficult to break as bad ones! Motivation is the ignition that gets us started on the road to success and good habits are the fuel that keeps us making progress. Just as bad habits left unchecked snowball and lead to a downward spiral, good habits escalate and lead to an upward spiral. Each good habit we gain frees us to focus on bigger and better things. At the end of the day, we will experience the joy of being a self-made man or woman. Tom’s mom and dad were generous. But Tom needed something more than money can offer. He needed self-discipline and the skills to develop good habits. If you are a parent of young children, you have the opportunity to offer them this priceless gift, for as Lydia Sigourney wrote, “In early childhood you may lay the foundation of poverty or riches, industry of idleness, good or evil, by the habits to which you train your children. Teach them right habits then, and their future life is safe.” © Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com -- Find a GirlfriendIt's never too late to find loveThis article is in answer to a reader who is a 35-year-old male. Although I am addressing him, the principles I write about apply equally to men and women. So, if you are a woman, please change my gender references to make the article meaningful to you. Our reader writes, "I would love to have a girlfriend to spend time with, but I get really nervous when approaching women. I don't know what to say or where to meet them. The years are starting to catch up to me. I wanted to have a family but I can't seem to meet women. Do you have any suggestions?" Shyness is often thought of as a personality trait or part of one's nature. In truth, however, it is nothing more than a HABIT that is REINFORCED each time one acts on their fears. For example, John is at a party and would like to meet Mary, but he says to himself, "If I talk to her, I probably would say something stupid. No doubt, she would reject me. I'll appear as a fool in front of all these people." So, what does John do? He avoids Mary. His avoidance reinforces his habit of not going after what he seeks and deserves, making it that much more difficult to take positive action in the future. Each failure to act adds another strand to the cocoon that is imprisoning him. The only way to
break free is to STOP REINFORCING this negative habit. That is, John
has to do precisely what he is afraid to do, speak up! He
doesn't have to begin by sweeping Mary off her feet with an eloquent
rendition of a heart-stopping love poem. No, not at all. The
smallest positive step would do. For example, if Mary is in a group
of three, he could go up to the person that appears to be the least
threatening among them and say, "Hello!" As he does so, a member of the group may ask John a question or two, forcing him into a conversation that may lead to a pleasant evening. On the other hand, if nothing happens after greeting all the members of the group, he would simply smile, say "Nice meeting you," and move on. In a situation like this it is impossible to lose. Even if he goes through the whole evening introducing himself to group after group without making any new friends, he is still a winner! For he has stubbornly refused to give in to his fears, stopped reinforcing his shyness habit, and is laying the groundwork for a new positive habit. Also, as John persists in actively trying to meet new people, he will slowly grow in confidence and social skills, until he experiences a breakthrough. Shy people are self-conscious. They worry about what others may think of them. They are preoccupied with themselves and their needs. SOME may become needy, desperate, and act rashly. Ironically, in their desperate desire to meet others, instead of attracting people, they may drive them away. All of this can change, however, if shy people redirect their focus from themselves to others. Here are a few steps our reader can take. 1. Take some time to focus on your loneliness. Linger intently on it, making yourself feel as much pain as possible. The purpose of this exercise is to let you feel the pain that others are experiencing. Don't you now feel sorry for the many wonderful, lonely women who live in your area? 2. Use the pain to empathize. Whenever you see someone who looks lonely, try to reduce their pain by becoming their friend. When you think of others, rather than yourself, you will lose your self-consciousness. You will also win friends, confidence, and new opportunities. Besides, as Lady Bird Johnson said, "The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid." 3. Look for nothing more than friendship. Instead of seeking romance, develop a fertile field by becoming friends with as many as possible. After doing so, romance will spontaneously bloom. Where do you meet women? Here's a short list, which you should add to each day: dating services, and dances; support groups, city tour groups, church groups, and writers or poetry groups; book, chess, tennis, photography and other clubs; adult education classes, such as art, dance, martial arts, and public speaking. Also you can join a health club or become a volunteer. Here are some more tips to consider: 1. Try a multifaceted attack; don't rely on one way to meet
people. 2. After meeting someone, don't stop looking. Remain friends and keep making new ones. All are worthy of your friendship, but only one will be worthy of your love. The right one to choose will be revealed to you over time, so do not rush into relationships. 3. Always be alert for opportunities to make new friends, not in desperation, but in a sincere concern for others. 4. Don't overlook making new male friends. One of them may have a sister that is eager to meet you! 5. Don't be demanding. Look for the good in everyone you meet. Inner beauty never fades, so look for someone you admire and respect. 6. Don't rush into sex. Sex is a powerful force that will cloud your reasoning. It can deceive you into thinking you are in love, and lead you to marry the wrong person. Fall in love; don't fall in sex. 7. Don't lie. Don't pretend to be what you are not. Always remain sincere. 8. Expect some friendships to end. That's part of life. Accepting that now will protect you from heartache later. 9. You do not like everyone you meet, so don't expect everyone to be attracted to you. 10. Do not judge too quickly. That "angel" you met could be a devil in disguise. Conversely, that woman who is "cold" and "aloof" may merely be shy. Give everyone time to reveal their true colors. 11. Don't make the mistake of others who marry people with addiction or other problems, hoping to change them in the future. That is a recipe for divorce. 12. Don't expect perfection. If you expect someone to accept you, imperfections and all, you've got to be willing to do the same. Lastly, here are some resources worth exploring: 1. Check out these web sites that are devoted to shyness: 2. A woman reader who tried out CDs I recommended for rebuilding
SELF-ESTEEM had this to say,"Just a quick note to thank you for
recommending the CDs by Dr. Lloyd Gleuberman. I have now listened to
two of them and found them to be profoundly effective. I have one
more to listen to and plan on ordering all of them eventually." I
first mentioned these CDs in the following 3. If you are interested in studying self-hypnosis for
self-improvement, I can think of no finer book on the subject than
"Self-Hypnosis for the life you want" by Dr. Charles E. Henderson.
His book is available at: If you follow the simple steps I have outlined above, you cannot fail. Why? Because there are many wonderful, lonely women dying to meet you. If you forget about your own problems and become concerned about the suffering of others, relationships will naturally develop. Be open to how events unfold and allow nature to take its course. But start taking action today, and continue until you discover that it is never too late to fall in love. And when that day arrives, invite me to the wedding, for I may be able to attend! © Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com
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Problem SolvingA problem is your chance to do your best (Duke Ellington)Problems: we've all got them in one form or another. It may be health problems, financial difficulties, relationship trouble, career worries, or something else. Yes, we all have challenges to face, puzzles to unravel, and hurdles to overcome. But is that so bad? Psychiatrist, best-selling author, and screenwriter Theodore Isaac Rubin doesn't think so, for he wrote, "The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem." Dr. Rubin makes a good point. For the first mistake we make is to assume life should be free of problems. It's like saying the ocean should be free of salt or the air of oxygen. Without salt, it's not an ocean; without oxygen, it's not air, and without 'problems,' it's not life. The second mistake we make is believing problems are problems. They're not; they're opportunities. Can we grow stronger without struggling through difficulties? Can we make progress without defeating obstacles? No, problems are not 'problems;' they are merely steps we take on the road to a better life. However, if we are burdened with a negative attitude, the steps we have to take may appear as pebbles in our shoes and make any progress painful. The solution is not to change our shoes, but to change our attitude. Having the right attitude, or being positive, makes a big difference. Through the eyes of a positive person, strangers are friends we have yet to make and 'problems' are blessings we have yet to unwrap. But why is it so difficult for some to see things in a positive light? Well, some make the mistake of identifying with their problems. They lose themselves by becoming what they experience. For example, Tom feels sad. If he remembers that he is a person experiencing sadness, he will also remember he has options. There are things he can do to diminish or eliminate his sadness. But if he identifies with the sadness he is momentarily experiencing, if he BECOMES sad by thinking I AM sad, he will lose all options. Only people have options. Sadness, depression, misery, and suffering have no options; they merely are. As long as you remember that you are a person having an experience, and not the experience itself, you will retain control over your life. Another reason why some people cannot shake off their 'problems' is that they don't want to. Oh, they will protest that there is nothing they would rather do than shed their problems, but they have made them their friends and don't wish to part company with them. Why is that? Well, they may want to appear heroic; they may want to show how 'strong' they are to put up with so much suffering. They may be afraid that if they were to give up their suffering, they would lose their 'heroic' status and have nothing to talk about. Yet another mistake some make is to ask themselves the wrong questions. "Why is this happening to me?" is an example of a wrong question. All that does is keep one's attention on the problem, further entrenching it. How much better it is to ask solution oriented questions. Questions like, "What are my options? What is the worst thing that can happen? What steps should I be taking now to prepare for a worst case scenario? How can this problem benefit me? What opportunity is hidden in it? Have others overcome similar problems? What do successful people do when they face the same problem? Are other people worst off than I? How am I better off than many others? What should I be grateful for? If it turns out that I cannot handle this problem by myself, where can I turn to for help?" Everyone is looking for something. And our search becomes a habit. If we're looking for the wrong thing, it's a bad habit. What is the wrong thing? Misery! Why are so many straining their eyes in search of it? They love to report all that's 'wrong' with the world. They gloat with each new discovery they make. Why do they insist on wallowing in misery? Just because they have a can opener, do they have to open every can of worms? True, they may derive a degree of masochistic pleasure, but wouldn't true happiness be a better prize? How can we discover goodness and sources for joy unless we look for them? So, if we are not experiencing happiness, we need to change our habit of looking for the bad to the habit of looking for the good. For it is only then that we will find it. Another big help is to approach our 'problems' with a sense of humor. When we can laugh at ourselves and our predicament, we will be free of stress, which paves the way for clear thinking and the discovery of solutions. You have as much chance to think straight when upset as you have to think clearly while clenching your teeth in frustration. If you want to make it easier to arrive at solutions, learn to laugh and how to relax. Any human activity, including problem solving, requires energy. It's not very helpful if you don't have enough to dig yourself out of your current dilemma. Don't try to run away from problems or suppress them, for all that does is deplete you of the energy you need to solve them. It is only by facing them squarely that we can examine them in sufficient detail to uncover their solution. Another clue to problem solving was given by Henry Ford (1863 ~ 1947) when he said, "There are no big problems; there are just a lot of little problems." In other words, each big problem is simply a series of smaller ones, each of which is easier to solve than a big problem. So, break down your problem and start tackling the easiest of the smaller ones and work your way up. Pinning the blame on others, or circumstances, or life in general only perpetuates our problems. Once we acknowledge that there is something wrong with our viewpoint, we can do something about it. Once we see 'problems' as opportunities, things change. After all, if we want an ocean of opportunity, we have to accept the fact that we will be knocked about by the waves. And as we grow skillful, we will learn to ride them. At that point there are no more problems, for only thrills and adventure await those with courage and vision. © Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com
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Unlimited PotentialThe
greatest waste in the world is the difference between what we are
and what we can become
© Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com
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Building ConfidenceLife leaps like a geyser for those who drill through the rock of inertia. --Alexis Carrel (1873 ~ 1944)Today's article is in answer to an e-mail from Neale Higgins (not
his real name). "I am a grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous for
nearly two years now. But I always saw myself as afraid of living
life. I still do. I'm finding it hard to be confident, to change my
life to what I know it can be. "I'm nearly 60 and want to go to college. But I'm scared! I wonder if I'm smart enough and feel overwhelmed by the fear of failing again. I know that to conquer fear one must be willing to place one foot in front of the other and begin the journey. But what if your feet are frozen? What if you've been leading a guilt-ridden life for years? I know I was destined to help others - I feel it in my whole being - so why am I so afraid to help myself?" Neale lacks confidence. Because of that he is afraid to act. As time passed, his inactivity became habitual. It is now a life pattern. He is now plagued by inertia, apathy, lethargy, and listlessness. He is overcome by feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and powerlessness. He feels trapped, immobilized, and paralyzed. His plight is as common as the flu, and like the flu, we can recover from it. I'm sure most of us can relate to Neale's difficulty because we all suffer from the same malady. The only difference among us is the extent to which this insidious affliction has a grip on our lives. The first step in freeing ourselves from the mire of inertia is to be aware that all success and failure starts in our mind. It is not outside events, but our thoughts that block us. When we change our thoughts, our feelings change. When our feelings change, our behaviour changes. (This is because it is our emotions that cause us to act.) When we change our behaviour, the outcome, or our experience, changes. When our experiences change, our beliefs, attitude, and perspective change. When our beliefs and attitude change, WE change. And, finally, when we change, our world and the people in our lives change. One of the thoughts Neale can change is his idea of failure. He says he is afraid to fail. But what is failure? There is no such thing. There is only LEARNING. When our actions result in success, we learn from that and keep repeating it. But when the results of our actions do not turn out as we would like them to, we do not FAIL, but LEARN what to avoid and change. Can you see that when we eliminate the idea of failure from our thoughts, we also eliminate the fear of failure? Dorothea Brande (1893 ~ 1948) expresses her thoughts on the subject differently, and they are worth repeating: "All that is necessary to break the spell of inertia and frustration is this: Act as if it were impossible to fail. That is the talisman, the formula, the command of right-about-face which turns us from failure towards success." In fact, there is no need to act as if it were impossible to fail because as long as we are persistent, right action always leads to success. It IS impossible to fail. For example, if you start lifting weights every day, you will grow stronger. It is impossible not to. It is impossible to fail. Perhaps by now you can see the solution to all of Neale's problems is to take ACTION. Take lack of confidence, for example. We don't acquire confidence by sitting still and waiting for it to appear. It doesn't pop up out of nowhere just because we want it. Rather, it is a natural consequence of taking right action. For instance, something was troubling Neale. Instead of sulking in self-pity, he decided to do something about it. He took a small action step by writing to me. Much to his surprise and pleasure, he received an answer. His small action step led to the discovery that he can wrest control of his life. He discovered action leads to power, pleasure, and confidence. The major hurdle he has to overcome is inertia. There, too, the solution is action. For example, if he wants to go to college, all he has to do is keep applying until he is accepted. Once accepted, all he has to do is keep studying until he graduates. It's a simple plan. As long as one persists it's impossible to fail. He took the first small step. Now all he has to do is continue taking small steps until he achieves his goals. He definitely has the power to do so. After all, he was once troubled by alcohol, but decided to join AA and ended up changing his life for the better. He can do it again. We have an infinite capacity to change, grow, and learn. Don't be discouraged if your life seems to be crumbling around you. Before a caterpillar becomes what it is meant to be, its cocoon or chrysalis enshrouded body slowly dissolves into a sticky 'soup' that eventually reshapes into a butterfly. The rubble and devastation that surrounds you are your sticky 'soups.' They are the very source of all you are meant to be. Knowing this, stop worrying about the future. Instead, create it. Create it by drilling through the rock of inertia. The drill's bit is action. If you remain persistent, like Dr. Alexis Carrel (1873 ~ 1944), you will discover that "Life leaps like a geyser for those who drill through the rock of inertia." What's more, it doesn't matter when we begin, for as it was written by George Eliot (pseudonym of Mary Ann Evans Cross, 1819 - 1880), "It is never too late to become what you might have been." And now for some caveats and suggestions. At times, the enormity of our goals may make us feel overwhelmed. At such a time, don't ask yourself, "How will I ever achieve this goal?" Instead, ask, "How can I begin?" Don't ask questions that inspire fear. Instead, ask questions that empower you, questions that lead to solutions. Although we cannot do everything at once, we can always do something. Do what you can and remain relentless. Besides being persistent, you will also need to be patient. For before we can change you, we have to change your habits. No wonder you feel frozen in place, unable to act, for you are locked in the grip of the habit of inaction. It will take about ten days of willful action on your part before your bad habit will loosen its grip on you. It will take another ten days for your new habit and self-discipline to establish some roots. Finally, it will take another ten days for your new habit of positive action to become firmly entrenched in your life. Thirty days in all, so be persistent and patient. Also, for more information on overcoming inertia, read my article Are You Stuck in a Rut... Stuck in a Rut... Stuck in a Rut.? For a must-read on developing self-confidence and self-reliance, see God Helps Those Who Help Themselves. God Help Those Who Don't! © Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com
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Controlling Your ThoughtsYou are no greater than your thoughts (Part 1)Imagine rummaging through the attic and coming across an old, wooden chest. Not recognizing it, you pry open the heavy lid. After clouds of dust scatter, you peer into the chest. You’re puzzled by what you see: seeds. Thousands and thousands of seeds of every imaginable type. Some smaller than a grain of sand, others larger than a coconut. Seeds designed to be carried by the wind, or to be entangled in the fur of passing creatures, or to be transported by brooks and streams, or to be carried in the bellies of birds. Seeds that germinate into multicolored flowers and lofty trees or poisonous plants and destructive weeds. Seeds that grow into plants that provide oxygen, food, beauty, shelter, and shade. Others that develop into plants that devour, poison, ensnare, and injure living creatures. As you close the lid, your hands tingle; you can almost feel the enormous potential contained in the chest. You realize this simple container can easily become a treasure chest or a Pandora’s Box, depending on the types of seeds it holds. Yes, the chest represents our mind, and the seeds, our thoughts. You see, our thoughts germinate and create the garden of our life. Thousands of thoughts stream through our minds each day. We seem to think of everything, except our thoughts themselves and the role they play in shaping our lives. As a young man, Liberace was no different. He, too, didn’t pay much attention to his thoughts. That is, until he read The Magic of Believing by Claude M. Bristol. The book changed his life and transformed Liberace into “Mr. Showmanship,” one of the biggest draws in Las Vegas and the world’s highest paid musician and pianist. Claude M. Bristol had a simple message: “Every person is the creation of himself, the image of his own THINKING and believing. As individuals THINK and believe, so they are.” Two thousand five hundred years earlier, Buddha delivered a similar message: “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. . . . What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.” We are born with an empty chest (mind), but when we reach five or six years old, it contains thousands of seeds, which have been placed there by our caretakers. If a child is unfortunate, most of the seeds may look like this: “You’re a naughty child. Mommy doesn’t like you. You’re so clumsy. That’s a stupid thing to say. Go away now. No, I don’t have time to play with you. If you don’t go to bed right away, I’m going to spank you. Don’t touch yourself. Didn’t I tell you to stop sucking your thumb? Go in your room and study your alphabet. Sit in the corner until you learn how to behave. . . .” With seeds like that, what kind of world does the child live in? Is it a warm and cozy garden or a dark and dreary jungle? As adults, we can operate our minds like aircraft, either manually or on autopilot. When we run our minds on autopilot, our thoughts control us. But when we use our minds manually, we control our thoughts. And when we control our thoughts, we control their outcomes, or as Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.” So, how do we “reap a destiny?” How do we escape from the threatening jungle we live in and arrive at the Garden of Eden? How do we change our Pandora’s Box into a treasure chest? How do we control our thoughts? You may be surprised to learn that it is not difficult. If we follow a simple plan, which I will describe in the next article, we will start on an exciting adventure. On the other hand, if we don’t follow the plan, the chariot we’re riding in will either crash or not get very far because the wild stallions (our thoughts and emotions) are pulling it in different directions! However, once we tame and control the stallions, we can take our chariot to the destination of our choice. Have you ever wondered why you exist? You are here not because of what you are, but because of what you can become. Join me in the next article, so we can together continue becoming what we were meant to be. You are no greater than your thoughts (Part 2) 1. Get a cheap pad of paper or a notebook. Spend 15 minutes, longer if necessary, to analyze your average day. What you are looking for is one hour of wasted time each day. Once you have found it, plan to use that time to work on controlling your thoughts, their outcomes, and your life. 2. Did you set aside one hour each day? If so, you are ready to begin opening the chest (your mind) and examining the seeds (your thoughts). You will need your notepad and at least an hour a day for one week. On the first day, write on the top of page one, “What do I think of myself?” Next, carefully and neatly list everything that comes to mind. For example: “I am attractive. I am overweight. I am shy. I am too sensitive. I am a good parent. I am lazy.” And so on. You have set aside an hour, so use it. List everything that comes to mind. Try to come up with a list of 150 items or more. If you can’t do it in one hour, complete the list the following day. Once the list is complete, add a plus sign next to every positive statement and a minus sign next to every negative statement. “I am intelligent” would be a positive statement and “I am lazy” would be a negative statement. As you are not in the habit of examining your thoughts, this exercise will help reveal the contents of your mind. Suppose you discover 75% of your thoughts are negative, that would suggest you are losing at least 75% of your potential! Before you can control your thoughts, you must become aware of them, which is just what this exercise is designed to help you do. 3. On the second or third day return to your list. Every statement that includes the verb “to be” is inaccurate and needs to be corrected. For example, if you wrote “I am lazy,” that is wrong. Why? Because the verb “to be” means to have the essence of, or to equal. Thus, “I am lazy” means “I = lazy.” Which is not true. What you mean to say is, “I sometimes behave in a lazy manner.” There is a big difference in those two thoughts, and the difference affects your self-esteem. Don’t allow the verb “to be” to cloud your thoughts. Get in the habit of precise thinking. Even where other verbs are used, you need to reevaluate what you wrote and make it more accurate. For instance, “I lack confidence” is not accurate enough; what you mean to say is, “In my opinion, I lack confidence.” By focusing on the truth, it helps you realize that your negative thought is only an opinion, and opinions can be changed! 4. On the next day, return to your list and dig deeper into your mind by asking the questions who, what, where, when, how, and why. Thus, if you wrote, “I sometimes behave in a lazy manner,” WHEN do you do so? WHY do you do so? HOW do you do so? You get the idea. This exercise is designed to help you better understand yourself. Answer these questions for as many of the statements on your list as possible. True, it is a big project, but it has a big payoff; mainly, a new, better you. 5. Over the next following days, add new questions and make new lists. Questions such as, “What do I think of life? What do I think of my family? What do I think of my job?” If you diligently follow these exercises, you will get a clear view of your present state of mind. After a week of focusing on the contents of your mind, awareness of your thoughts should automatically appear at other times of the day. When this begins to happen, encourage it by pausing and taking control. Let’s say you’re at work and suddenly catch yourself thinking, “Darn it! This guy gets on my nerves!” All right, you caught the thought, now STOP. Label the thought. Is it good? Is it going to help to make your life better? The answer is no. So, CHANGE THE THOUGHT. For example, change it to, “How can I better understand this person and grow to appreciate him or her more?” This new way of looking at things can lead to better understanding, harmony in the workplace, and a new friend. In other words, you can create a better life, a better you, by taking charge of your thoughts. As you practice being aware of your thoughts, you will grow more and more skillful. Whenever you find yourself harboring a negative thought, imagine it is a weed; pluck it out of your mind and immediately replace it with a positive thought. A bar of iron costs $5, made into horseshoes it’s worth $12, made into needles it’s worth $3,500, made into balance springs for watches, it’s worth $300,000. Similarly, a person made into someone who has control over their thoughts has immeasurable value and infinite potential. All it takes is a pad of paper and a pencil to begin! © Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com
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Ten Day ProgramGod helps those who help themselves. God help those who don't!According to the eminent psychologist, professor, author, and philosopher, William James (1842 ~ 1910), "Compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses power of various sorts which he habitually fails to use." You have no doubt heard many times that we use just a fraction of our resources. Buried deep within us is unlimited potential that rarely blossoms fully. Blessed with the capacity to bloom into magnificent creatures, we often fall far short of our potential. Why is that? It is not due to a lack of ideas, but a lack of follow-through, or action. Why do we fail to act? The biggest culprit appears to be self-doubt, a lack of faith in ourselves, a lack of confidence that we can achieve our dreams. William James agrees with this assessment for he wrote, "There is but one cause of human failure. And that is man's lack of faith in his true Self." Although we were born confident, competent, and fully capable of reaching our dreams, all that good stuff was knocked out of us in our childhood. And until we restore that confidence in ourselves, we are doomed to go on failing to live up to our potential. How can we restore our rightful inheritance of unshakable faith in ourselves? The purpose of this article is to answer that question. Borrowing from the teachings of William James, I wish to share a powerful technique that has transformed the lives of countless men and women. It can do the same for you. The good and bad news is that the method is simple to carry out. Although I don't have to explain why that is good news, you'll want to know why I call that bad news. You see, we tend to doubt the value of anything that is cheap, easy to get, or easy to do. That is the danger. Once you learn how easy it is to follow the procedure, you may dismiss it as a silly gimmick with little value. To arrive at that conclusion would be a serious mistake. Now that you have been forewarned, I'm ready to share this life-altering technique. It is simply this. Promise yourself for the next ten days you will start doing something you should be doing or stop doing something you should not be doing. For example, "For the next ten days I promise myself to wake up 30 minutes earlier to avoid arriving late at the office." Or, "For the next ten days, I will stop eating fatty food for lunch." Simple, isn't it? Now, let's look at the procedure in detail and follow that with an explanation of why it is so effective. 1) Promise yourself for the next ten days you will start doing something you should be doing or stop doing something you should not be doing. 2) Write the date and your promise on a small card and keep it in your purse or wallet so that every time you reach for money, you will see the card and be reminded of your promise. 3) Make a promise that is attainable. Don't overreach. For example, if I want to stop biting my nails, it may be too difficult to try to stop completely. If that were the case, I could promise myself to stop biting them between the hours of 10 am and 12 noon, for example. 4) Keep your promise at all costs. Live up to your word. Failure to do so will lead to further erosion of your self-confidence! That's why step #3 is so important. Because you are breaking from your normal routine, one day you may forget to carry out your promise. Don't let that bother you, but you will have to start all over again, from the beginning, until you get it right. 5) Keep a log or journal. Nothing fancy is required. Just a couple of sentences will do. At the end of your day, write down the results of your promise and how you feel. Your journal will help to keep you focused on your goal and serve as a reminder of your accomplishments. 6) Keep your promise for ten days. After that period, you are under no obligation to continue the new behavior. This is an important point for it is what makes the program so easy to follow. All you have to do is maintain your new behavior for ten days! 7) Of course, if I wish to continue with my new behavior, that's perfectly fine. But if I wish to stop, that's equally acceptable. However, if I stop, I then begin a 10-day program on something else. For instance, after I successfully stopped biting my nails between 10 am and 12 noon for ten days, I can terminate that program and start a new one, such as cutting back on my TV viewing by one hour a day for the next ten days. Why is this procedure so valuable if all I have to do is maintain my new, desirable behavior for ten days? It is because every ten days I am a winner. Every ten days, I am successful. Every ten days, I have proven to myself that I have the power to change. Every ten days, I experience a surge in self-confidence. And the constant repetition of one ten-day program followed by another leads to the development of a new habit. I now have the habit of tackling what I have avoided in the past. I have acquired the habit of self-discipline and self-improvement. With the completion of each ten day program, we make remarkable discoveries. We learn that positive action is much easier to accomplish than we had imagined. We experience the relief that follows doing something that was nagging us. We also experience the pride, pleasure, and the benefits that follow from taking action. And the discovery that we have the power to control our destiny is nothing less than thrilling. When we embark on a life of endless ten-day programs, we discover adventure and excitement, and we live life to the fullest by daring to tackle what we could fail in, for as William James said, "It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all." All of the above points motivate us to continue leading a life of endless growth. In other words, the rewards we reap propel us forward. The program I am suggesting develops self-reliance. By living up to your promises, you discover you can rely on yourself. This is what Aesop was alluding to when he wrote twenty-six hundred years ago, "The gods help them that help themselves." Let's wrap up with some final words from William James, "Your hopes, dreams and aspirations are legitimate. They are trying to take you airborne, above the clouds, above the storms, if you only let them. Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second. Give your dreams all you've got and you'll be amazed at the energy that comes out of you." What ten-day program will you begin today? Before you answer, heed the warning of William James, "He who refuses to embrace a unique opportunity loses the prize as surely as if he had tried and failed." © Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com
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Keeping A JournalWhy do writers write? Because it isn’t there. (Thomas Berger)We are the authors or sculptors of our lives, as I explained in my article entitled "Man’s mind is not a container to be filled but rather a fire to be kindled." To become the person we want to be, I suggested we reflect on our thoughts and actions and then make whatever changes we consider necessary. After all, our thoughts solidify into actions, each step of which helps to shape our lives. In this article, I take the art of self-creation a step further. Rather than merely REFLECT on our thoughts and actions, we now WRITE THEM DOWN. In other words, keep a journal. The difference between reflecting on our thoughts and writing them down is just like the difference between sculpturing with a mallet and a sledgehammer. It’s a difference of power. Reflection is a mallet. Writing is a sledgehammer. Thoughts are frail. Like cherry blossoms blown about by the wind, our thoughts scatter in every direction. That’s why mere reflection lacks power. But writing our thoughts down forces us to focus on the issues and reading them helps to keep us on the subject. If you wanted to burn a newspaper, you wouldn’t try to do so by putting it out in the sun, would you? Even if you left it there for 50 years, the worst that would happen is the pages would turn yellow. Yet, if you were to use a magnifying glass to focus the rays of the sun on the newspaper, you could set it ablaze in minutes. Writing is the magnifying glass that sets our thoughts on fire. Keeping a journal and meditating are similar in four respects. First, both can substantially improve our lives. Second, nearly everyone has a vague notion of what it is to meditate or keep a journal. Third, few people know the specific steps involved in either activity. In other words, what is it exactly that I should do if I want to keep a journal or meditate? Fourth, there are hundreds of methods for engaging in either practice. To simplify, I will describe ONE way to keep a journal. It is the technique I use. But first, what is the purpose of my journal? What is the purpose of scaling mountains? According to mountaineers, it is because they are there. What is the purpose of writing? According to the US novelist Thomas Louis Berger (born in1924), it is because it isn’t there! That’s why I keep a journal. Because it isn’t there. What isn’t there? My full potential. In other words, a new and better me. I am better today than I was yesterday and I want to be better tomorrow than I am today. That’s why I keep a journal. I do it to experience continuous growth. Now to the nitty-gritty. What is it exactly that I do when I make a journal entry? What are the specific steps that I take? Any good teacher or supervisor knows that if you want someone to change their behaviour, you start with honest praise to let them know they have value and are appreciated. Next, you explain that they can become even better than they already are by doing whatever it is you are about to suggest. If this is the way I treat others, shouldn’t I treat myself in the same way? So, the first thing I do when I make a journal entry in the evening is answer the question, "What have I done right today?" By reviewing my accomplishments, it encourages me to stay on course and do even better in the future. Now that I am motivated to do better, I go on to the second step by asking myself, "What have I done today that I could have done better?" Here’s where opportunity lies. I look for ways that I can improve by learning from my mistakes. Thankfully, I never run out of opportunities for self-improvement. Each of the five steps I take in my journal grows more important than the step before it. In step three, I ask myself, "What actions can I take to seize the opportunities for self-improvement that I have found?" After listing action that I can take, I move on to the fourth step, which is to fit the action steps into my daily schedule. Depending on my schedule, I begin to incorporate them into my life, if not the next day, within a few days. Although any changes I make for the better are commendable, they are not of much value unless they become permanent, or habitual. That’s why step five is the most important. This is the step where I monitor my progress and make sure I stay on track. I keep a watchful eye on new, good behaviour, making sure I repeat it for 30 days, so it will become a habit. Once it becomes a habit, I am free to forget about it and move on to new areas of improvement. Step five also blends into step one, for when I look at what I am doing right, I am actually monitoring my progress. So, the five steps form a cycle of never-ending improvement. The steps may sound complicated, but I find them easy to follow and never spend more than 30 minutes to carry them out. There is something else I do. As I work in my journal, invariably, I will have a flash of insight, have a good idea, or just think of something I may want to consider in the future. None of these thoughts are directly related to my self-improvement regimen; nevertheless they are worthwhile. So, I immediately add these flashes of inspiration to another journal, which serves as a repository of good ideas. Keeping multiple journals and instantly flipping between them is a simple matter when working with a good software program, such as David Michael’s THE JOURNAL (http://www.davidrm.com). Once a week, I spend ten or fifteen minutes browsing through my collection of good ideas to see which ones I am ready to act on. Keeping a journal will steer, focus, and use your thoughts to take you where you want to go. It will accelerate your growth and help in achieving your goals. It puts you in charge of your thoughts, and, therefore, in charge of your life. Once you get into the habit of keeping a journal, you will come to believe that living without one is like being a farmer who refuses to water his crops! Did you like today’s topic? If so, stay tuned because in my next article I’ll continue by sharing other valuable ways people use journals. If you did not find my method of keeping a journal useful, stay tuned because I'm sure one of the other methods will work for you. © Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com
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Power of ChoiceChoice: Catalyst for Change What distinguishes us from animals is free will. We have the power of choice. And choice is just that, POWER. It is a catalyst for change. It can elevate us to heroic heights or hurl us to desperate levels of despair. A glimpse at the life of William Jefferson Clinton, President of the United States, reveals the potent power of choice. When still a teenager, he met John F. Kennedy, a meeting that moved him deeply. As a result, he decided one day he, too, would become president of the most powerful country on earth. That choice – the decision to become a politician instead of a jazz musician – brought him much honor and glory. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of the choice he made to engage in sexual activity in The White House with Monica Lewinsky. That regretful decision led to shame and disgrace. Such is the power of choice. It can bring us closer to or further from our dreams. A good part of our waking day is spent in making choices. It begins as soon as the alarm goes off. Do we get out of bed immediately or push the snooze button? Do we prepare for work or call in sick? At the job, do we work hard or goof off? All during the day we continue making choices as we decide what to do next. Do I tackle the most important task or make a personal telephone call? Do I answer my business messages or chat with coworkers over coffee? Each decision I make points me to the road of success or the path of mediocrity. Many of us act as if we’re in rudderless boats drifting in the sea of life. Our destination? Who knows? We arrive wherever the currents and tides take us. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You see, the boat we’re in has a rudder! It can steer us to the shore of success. That rudder is CHOICE. If we use it, we can become the captain of our destiny. We didn’t decide to be born. And after entering the world, no one handed us a book of instructions on how to succeed in life. So, it’s not surprising that many make mistakes. Some of the instructions we didn’t receive are the following five steps. Following them can help us to maximize the potential positive power of CHOICE. 1. Be aware of your choices. This is not as easy as you think. Why? Because most of the time our “boat” (mind) is on autopilot. Instead of deciding whether to rise at the sound of the alarm or hit the snooze button, for example, we act automatically. We act by force of habit. If it’s a good habit, that’s great, as there is one less decision to make. But if it is a bad habit, our boat will move away from the shore of success and head for the rocks. Imagine not being aware of that! To avoid such danger, force yourself to become aware of your choices. 2. Analyze your choices. Once you become aware of making a decision, ask yourself, “Will this choice help me to succeed or hold me back?” 3. Make your choice. After realizing whether the choice is helpful or harmful, make a decision for the best. 4. Act on your choice. Decisions without action are worthless, for they are mere pipe dreams, not plans. As Arnold H. Glasow wrote, “Ideas not coupled with action never become bigger than the brain cells they occupied.” 5. Multiply your choices. One choice is no choice and two choices may pose a dilemma. However, three or more alternatives offer flexibility and provide you with the option of making the best possible choice. © Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com --
The Courage to Take ActionBy: Brian Tracy © Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com
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Developing Self-DisciplineWill is character in action (William Mcdougall)When British psychologist William Mcdougall (1871 ~ 1938) said, “Will is character in action,” what did he mean? Simply that willpower is the source of our action, and, therefore, the source of our character. For when we will to do good, and do so, we have good character, but when we will to neglect our responsibilities, we have bad character. When people complain or are dissatisfied with their lives, they often blame others for their unhappy state of affairs. If it isn’t the fault of others, then they claim it is due to ‘bad luck’ or how ‘unfair’ the world is. They seem to blame everything except themselves. Such an attitude is self-defeating, for complaints are wasted effort and divert attention from possible solutions. They don’t yet understand that life doesn’t happen TO us. It happens BECAUSE of us. They haven’t awakened to the fact that destiny or fate is not arbitrary and predetermined. Rather, we create our own destiny. After all, our present conditions were brought about by our past actions, and our present actions will create our future circumstances. Why do people blame everything but themselves for their unhappiness? Because it is painful to admit that our lack of success is not due to any quirk of fate, but to our own lack of responsiveness to the opportunities that were presented to us. But once we admit the truth, great power is unleashed. For then we will realize that our lives are not controlled by the whims of fate, but by ourselves, by our own actions, and by our own willpower. It is exciting to realize that we can do anything we set our mind to. Yet, after coming close to reaching this point, some then cop out by claiming they don’ t have any willpower, as if there was a willpower gene that somehow they are lacking. If we find ourselves stuck in that space where we believe we lack willpower, what can we do? Begin by understanding the true meaning of willpower. It’s just another way of saying self-discipline. When you tell yourself you lack self-discipline, it is easier to understand that you can do something about it. You can develop it. But wait a minute! Doesn’t it take self-discipline to develop self-discipline? And if I don’t have any, how can I use what I don’t have? Well, it is incorrect to say you don’t have ANY. You couldn’t have read this far without some discipline, so your challenge is not how to acquire it, but how to get MORE of it. If your doctor told you that you need to lift weights, you would start with light weights, gradually working your way up to the heavy ones, thereby increasing your power. So it is with self-discipline. Anyone can start from where they are and go from there. Perhaps no other skill is as important to develop as self-disciple or self-control. It is the key to self-mastery and the achievement of your dreams. Now, let’s look at some steps you can take to increase your personal power. 1. Acknowledge your own responsibility. Admit that if you sit around doing nothing, you will achieve nothing. 2. Allow yourself to feel the resistance. For example, if you are a student that needs to be studying, but doesn’t feel like it, say something like the following to yourself. “I don’t feel like studying. I feel like pursuing some pleasure instead. But rather than running away, I allow myself to feel the resistance and I admit I need to study. I also need to develop self-discipline. And doing what we don’t like to do develops self-discipline. So, I welcome this opportunity to kill two birds with one stone (study for my exam and develop self-discipline).” 3. Take a few deep breaths. Relax and let go of any tension. Pause and visualize the action as if it were already completed. Study the image of the completed project in your mind for a few moments. This step prepares both your conscious mind and subconscious for action. 4. Now act. After doing so, you will feel a sense of relief as you free yourself from the stress that comes from ignoring an important task. Second, you will enjoy the pleasure of accomplishment. Third, you will discover the task was easier to do than you first imagined. 5. Relish the relief and pleasure you experience. Remember it. Savor it. Focus on it. For it will become the source of motivation. At first, the lure of relief and pleasure will be weak and the memory of it dim, but as you repeatedly do what you don’t feel like doing, the motivation to act will grow stronger and stronger, until a firm habit is formed. 6. Those who haven’t yet developed the habit of self-discipline avoid tasks because they focus on the effort that needs to be made. In their minds, effort is synonymous with discomfort. Change what you focus on. When facing a new task, focus on the relief and pleasure you will be experiencing. Also focus on the memory of how your imagination tricks you, always blowing things out of proportion. Remember that the task will be easier to do than your now believe. 7. When you launch your personal Self-Discipline Development Program, you will do two things: complete tasks and develop self-discipline. Of the two, developing self-discipline is more important. For once you have mastered that you will be able to do anything. So, it is important to be successful. Therefore, when starting out, don’t decide to work on the most urgent task, but choose the easiest one first and work your way up. Pretend you are working out in a gym for the first time. If you begin by trying to lift 100 lb. weights, you will probably feel overwhelmed and quickly give up. But if you start with 10 lb. weights, your workouts will be easy to do and your successes will motivate you to move on to bigger challenges. Take baby steps and work your way up. Trying to bite off more than you can chew will lead to failure. 8. Be gentle but firm with yourself. Act firmly in that you stop running away. Face your task, accept it, and accomplish it. Finish what you start. Follow through on every project. Focus on one task at a time. Don’t scatter your attention. But be gentle in the sense that you don’t have to do all your tasks immediately as long as you start doing some. Don’t expect to go from zero to a hundred in one second. Work up to it. Start slowly, but gradually pick up the pace as you develop your skills. 9. Expect to be tempted to avoid your tasks. Your mind will come up with rationalizations and excuses for putting off till ‘tomorrow’ what can be done today. Remain aware of your feelings and learn to think before you act. Use your reason (rational mind), not your emotions, to guide your actions. Do what is good FOR you instead of what FEELS good. 10. Once you learn how to quickly act on all the tasks, responsibilities, and challenges facing you, you will want to remain fit, always ready to act. Keep in shape by deliberately going out of your way to do things you don’t want to do, even if they are unimportant. The truth is, nothing is unimportant, for if doing something trivial helps maintain your self-discipline, it is no longer trivial. Remember that it is just like working out in a gym. After all, the workout I choose to do is unimportant; it is only the result (physical fitness) that is important. The same is true for your mental fitness. Look for opportunities during the day to ‘work out. ’ 11. Once you can keep your level of self-discipline, you will be ready to move on to the next level by stretching yourself. Now you deliberately seek out difficult and complex challenges that you only dared to dream about in the past. Now that you have mastered self-control, you are ready to make those dreams come true. At this point, you are no longer paralyzed by task-avoidance. Each task you do frees up more time to work on the next project. You have now started on the path of endless growth. Life is not something that happens to you, but you are something that happens to life. Decide today to give up the blame game and take responsibility for your own life by mastering the art of self-discipline. © Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com --
Duty and ResponsibilityLife's heaviest burden is to have nothing to carryMany people feel that they are
weighed down by duties, obligations, and responsibilities. To them,
the title of this article seems strange. They don't realize that
complaining about carrying out one's duties, is like complaining
about having to eat! Most people realize that eating is not only
necessary, but can be a source of great pleasure. The same is true
for performing our responsibilities. We actualize our potential by
fulfilling our obligations, which leads to pleasure and happiness.
In fact, the harder the duty is to perform, the greater the pleasure
on its completion.
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe makes an
outstanding point, "How can we know ourselves? Never by reflection,
but only through action. Begin at once to do your duty and
immediately you will know what is inside you." © Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com -- Note the difference between pain and worry. Pain is a message sent by the body, alerting us of a problem. Worry, however, is a message delivered by our psyche alerting us of an opportunity for growth. Worry is caused by fear. Fear of the unknown (What will happen to me if I lose my job?). Or fear of a challenge (How will I ever pay my bills?). However, it is in facing problems and dealing with them that we develop our character and realize our potential.
The right train of thought can take you to a better station in lifeHenry David Thoreau explains in even simpler terms: "Thought is the sculptor who can create the person you want to be." Clutter Clearance If you want to let new opportunities into your life, you have to make room for them. Clear out the past - things you cling to that no longer serve any purpose, but which hold you back. This can be cupboards, the cellar, old clothes, old relationships, and outmoded ways of thinking. By holding on tenaciously to the past, we fail to make room for the future. So look in your closets and get rid of things you have not used for over a year or two. Review relationships in your life and see which ones are taking you where you want to go and which ones are holding you down. Clear your desk. Clear your computer. Then let fresh air flow into your life! Relationships Almost everything we want in life will be obtained through other people. Moreover, relationships skills are amongst the most important and most desired in life. They easily more than make up for deficiencies in other areas of expertise. People who get on well with others rise faster than those who are merely good at their jobs. They are the last people to be fired; if they are, they find it extremely easy to pick up a great job elsewhere. Hence, it is vital to learn to relate excellently to others. If you are not good in this area, all your other efforts could go for nothing. Therefore, study hard in his subject and apply the lessons you learn. Become excellent at relating to people. Success in this world is always a matter of individual effort, yet you will only be deceiving yourself if you believe that you can succeed without the co-operation of other people. Success is a matter of individual effort only to the extent that each person must decide, in his or her own mind, what is wanted. This involves the use of "imagination." From this point on, achieving success is a matter of skillfully and tactfully inducing others to co-operate.
Before you can secure co-operation from others; nay, before you have the right to ask for or expect co-operation from other people, you must first show a willingness to co-operate with them. For this reason the eighth lesson of this course, THE HABIT OF DOING MORE THAN PAID FOR, is one which should have your serious and thoughtful attention.
You may not like the work in which you are now engaged.
There are two ways of getting out of that work. One way is to take but little interest in what you are doing, aiming merely to do enough with which to "get by." Very soon you will find a way out, because the demand for your services will cease. The other and better way is by making yourself so useful and efficient in what you are now doing that you will attract the favorable attention of those who have the power to promote you into more responsible work that is more to your liking.
Manifesting your affirmations Don’t just sit back, waiting for your affirmation to magically transform your life. Start making things happen today. Your actions and affirmations support and reinforce each other. When affirmations and action steps are practiced simultaneously, explosive power is released, and your success is assured. So, do both. For example, if I’m very shy, I may use this affirmation: "I am no longer shy. I am comfortable speaking to others." However, while I’m practicing the affirmation, I take immediate action. It doesn’t matter how small the steps are, as long as I take steps. So, whenever I see someone I would like to speak with, instead of ignoring them, I now say "Hi!" as I walk by. No need to stop. As I keep repeating my affirmations and this small step, I will happily come to the realization that speaking to others may be easier than I imagined. Soon I will be ready to extend my "conversation" from a brief "Hi!" to a lengthier "Hello!" Again, there’s no need to stop or wait for a reply (I’m shy, remember?). I’m just taking baby steps, but I am making progress! Before long, I will greet others with a "long" three-word sentence: "How are you?" When I’m up to four words ("Nice to see you!), someone will probably stop me and start a conversation. "Where are you off to?" they may ask. Without hesitation, I’ll probably say something like, "I’m going to the library." Wow! Miracle of miracles! I just had a conversation with someone I’ve been wanting to, but too shy to, speak to. How did that happen? The answer is, of course, it happened because of the power released by using affirmations and action steps together. And what they are now doing for my shyness they will soon be doing for other areas of my life! An exciting thought isn’t it? -- "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." Aristotle
"First we form habits, then they form us.
Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you."
"Power is the faculty or capacity to act, the strength and potency to accomplish something. It is the vital energy to make choices and decisions. It also includes the capacity to overcome deeply embedded habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones." Stephen R. Covey
"Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones." Benjamin Franklin
"Habits… the only reason they persist is that they are offering some satisfaction… You allow them to persist by not seeking any other, better form of satisfying the same needs. Every habit, good or bad, is acquired and learned in the same way - by finding that it is a means of satisfaction." Juliene Berk
"Good habits result from resisting temptation." Indian Proverb
"As a twig is bent the tree inclines." Virgil
"Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny." Tryon Edwards
"It seems, in fact, as though the second half
of a man’s life is made up of nothing but the habits he has
accumulated during the first half."
"Heartily know,
"Those who have attained things worth having in this world have worked while others idled, have persevered when others gave up in despair, have practiced early in life the valuable habits of self-denial, industry, and singleness of purpose. As a result, they enjoy in later life the success so often erroneously attributed to good luck."Grenville Kleiser
"Powerful indeed is the empire of habit."Publilius Syrus
"A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it
must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time."
"Divide each difficulty into as many parts as necessary to resolve it." Rene Descartes
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